Moving the Rock

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When you find yourself between a rock and a hard place, move the rock.

As with everything, this is easier said than done.

The first thing you need to do is take an objective look at the situation you’re in. What decisions and events led you to this place? What exactly is the rock that binds you in your current circumstances? Have you been here before? Is this a pattern that repeats itself in your life? Most importantly, what will it take to move that rock?

Sometimes the answers to those questions may not be what you want to hear. It forces a woman to take inventory of her life and herself. But it takes a woman to honestly assess her life choices and then honestly recognize and admit to herself that those life choices may not always have been for the best.

In other words, oops!, I made a mistake.

But mistakes are how we learn. Provided we pay attention and are willing to admit to those mistakes. Admitting to mistakes is one of the most difficult things we as humans must face. As women, we tend to allow it to add to our insecurities and feelings of inferiority.

So the second thing you need to do is chuck all that. Accept that you make mistakes and admit your mistakes with your head held high. You’re not the first, you absolutely won’t be the last.

Recognize the mistake. Acknowledge the mistake. Admit the mistake. Then let it go.

When you find yourself beating yourself up with that mistake, make a conscious effort to stop. It’s almost as though it’s hard-wired into a woman’s system to relive our mistakes over and over again like a bad tape. But, with effort, we can change the tape.

Focus on what you are capable of. Focus on the good decisions you have made and the resulting good from them.

Once you’ve taken an objective look at your particular rock and hard place and chucked the bad tape in your head, do some really intensive self-analyzation. This works best as a written exercise. Whether you do this with a pen and legal pad, on a computer or other electronic device makes no difference, so long as you conduct the exercise manually.

Make a list of all circumstances and decisions which placed you between that proverbial rock and hard place.

Are you working a job you hate just to pay the bills? Do you find yourself in similar situations in different jobs – in the midst of office politics or at the mercy of your employer? Do you find yourself struggling between paychecks? Did you quit a job to start a business that hadn’t gained a foothold yet? Are you dating the same person over and over again even though he/she has different names and looks? Is your living situation unpleasant? Do any of these things repeat themselves?

Whatever your rock and hard place is . . . you put yourself there. Try and blame it on outside forces if you must, but the hardcore, bottom-line truth is you are responsible for your own decisions. Especially if those decisions repeatedly place you between that rock and hard place.

Once you accept this truth, you can begin moving the rock.

This does not happen overnight. It may take weeks, months or even years. But, once you’ve moved that rock, you may never find yourself behind it again.

Again, as a written exercise, make a list of everything you can do to move your rock. And I mean EVERYTHING — regardless of how small or insignificant it may seem — every action you can take to remove yourself from your circumstances. It is your ambition, your priority, your passion, your very LIFE to remove that rock.

Rather than dwell in a hole of despair over your situation, focus your energy on improving it. Making your own life better is a definitive act of self-love.

If it’s an intolerable job situation, discover what it is you truly wish to do. Do you enjoy helping people? Do you like working with numbers or words? Do you enjoy medicine? Science? The arts?

Think you’re not interested in anything? Think again. Every person enjoys something passionately, and many of those things are something you can make a living at (something a little more constructive than playing video games or watching television). What are you passionate about? What is your dream? Do you want to go into business for yourself? If you enjoy working for others, what type of people, company or corporation are you interested in working for?

Investigate the answers to these and other questions about yourself. You may make surprising discoveries. Look into going back to school (it’s NEVER too late to learn!). Call those companies you’re interested in and find out what type of employees they need. If you get a negative answer, try something else, but don’t give up. Sometimes looking at something from a different angle presents opportunities and answers you weren’t aware of.

The same process applies to a living situation and a relationship. What is it about these situations you don’t like? Can the situation itself be changed? Or do you need to make a change? If you keep dating losers, what is it about those losers that attracts you? Always remember you cannot change another person.

Look at your circumstances from every possible angle. There are always choices and decisions to be made to move that rock out of the way. Don’t make those choices and decisions haphazardly. Make your decisions with a conscious effort. Consider the long-term consequences of these decisions. Are they similar to decisions you have made in the past? Will this decision result in your being between another rock and hard place?

Be patient. After all, it’s probably a pretty big rock that has you hammered into that hard place, so it’s going to take some real effort and time to move it. But consider this: if it takes you five years (or even longer) to move that rock, if you don’t make any efforts at all to move it, you’ll always be between that rock and hard place. By taking steps to move it, you are creating a positive force in your life.

Once you have moved that rock, you may never find yourself in that position again. As long as you are conscious and aware of the decisions you make and the end results.

And if you find yourself between another rock and hard place, do the process all over again.Going through this process means you will know yourself better. And that’s always a good thing.

After all, no one wants to spend her life between a rock and a hard place. After awhile, it really chafes.

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